“I have healed, though it took me a very long time to feel good again, to feel like I am worth the breaths I take, I healed… I spent a very long time thinking about my insecurities, drowning in my fears and nightmares, of the thoughts that you will be gone, and far away from me, I actually healed but not completely, I still feel the reminiscences of your smell all over my senses, your fragility, your bipolarity, your everything is on my skin,I was forced to let go, and I healed again, going back then, it felt like you’re tied to a very huge anchor and thrown into the deep ocean, you struggle, cry and you panic, thinking you will be exhaling the very last breaths of air, and in those coming moments, you surrender leaving it all behind, and in those moments of peace, your heart rests and your brain shuts off, a complete surrender to the peace inside, and by surprise you will wake it to the reality and then it wakes everything up. and you realize that pain wasn’t that hard, as it is a part of living, you sleep it over, and the days become easier to bear, as time goes by, you know you still don’t want to feel that feeling again, the feeling of drowning, but you still keep remembering it each time you fell into the same situation, that kind of scar gets attached to you with each moment you take your breath, you inhale and you still feel afraid when will be the last exhale, but you live, and live and live.. and you survive by living.. you survive by loving …”
Eva Al-Sunna'
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