“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”
— Dale Carnegie

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I am lost in life somehow

There are too many things I am capable of doing, But I really cant seem to get any done, I do not even try, I believe I have depression, not a severe case, but at least I know I took some of the genes ( unfortunately ) from my father who seems to have it to a very complicated and severe case, I don’t know if this is the crisis of 20’s, or its only something I suffer from, I cant seem to find a path, its all blurry and dark, I am always confused and indecisive whether I want this or I don’t. I wake up everyday feeling useless, my mind is always a blank, I sip my morning coffee and think about the outfit of the day for work, nothing interesting or exciting, just boring routine every single day, and each time I want to quit smoking I find myself more indulged into the idea of dying early, I already have nothing and no one to cling on, I have a gift I do not use, or to be more precise I am not inspired enough to use it. I am out of ideas, and there is where I hit rock bottom. I am curren...
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Sometimes, I really forget how much I hate my family, no seriously all this crap they load my shoulders with And yes I did think about running away sometimes, this might seem the most silly decision ever but yes its on my list, I hate them to the extent that I cant act normally with them being here, of course I do NOT include my mother from this all, I don't think I will be here writing if she wasn't with me in this all, although sometimes she gets on my nerves but I swear I'm ready to give her my soul, I always pray God to take years from my life and then add  it to hers she means the world to me if not more, but the rest of the family are just crap in the hood, they are dusty, rusty, black, foggy, negative, cold I can say everything that doesn't make you feel good, that's what they are! they always get on my nerves! ALWAYS, and sometimes I do drive myself to forget and get used to this, but its all keep on showing up, They never ...
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“I have healed, though it took me a very long time to feel good again, to feel like I am worth the breaths I take, I healed… I spent a very long time thinking about my insecurities, drowning in my fears and nightmares, of the thoughts that you will be gone, and far away from me, I actually healed but not completely, I still feel the reminiscences of your smell all over my senses, your fragility, your bipolarity, your everything is on my skin,I was forced to let go, and I healed again, going back then, it felt like you’re tied to a very huge anchor and thrown into the deep ocean, you struggle, cry and you panic, thinking you will be exhaling the very last breaths of air, and in those coming moments, you surrender leaving it all behind, and in those moments of peace, your heart rests and your brain shuts off, a complete surrender to the peace inside, and by surprise you will wake it to the reality and then it wakes everything up. and you realize that pain wasn’t that hard, as it is a pa...
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