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I am lost in life somehow

There are too many things I am capable of doing, But I really cant seem to get any done, I do not even try, I believe I have depression, not a severe case, but at least I know I took some of the genes ( unfortunately ) from my father who seems to have it to a very complicated and severe case, I don’t know if this is the crisis of 20’s, or its only something I suffer from, I cant seem to find a path, its all blurry and dark, I am always confused and indecisive whether I want this or I don’t. I wake up everyday feeling useless, my mind is always a blank, I sip my morning coffee and think about the outfit of the day for work, nothing interesting or exciting, just boring routine every single day, and each time I want to quit smoking I find myself more indulged into the idea of dying early, I already have nothing and no one to cling on, I have a gift I do not use, or to be more precise I am not inspired enough to use it. I am out of ideas, and there is where I hit rock bottom. I am curren...
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Sometimes, I really forget how much I hate my family, no seriously all this crap they load my shoulders with And yes I did think about running away sometimes, this might seem the most silly decision ever but yes its on my list, I hate them to the extent that I cant act normally with them being here, of course I do NOT include my mother from this all, I don't think I will be here writing if she wasn't with me in this all, although sometimes she gets on my nerves but I swear I'm ready to give her my soul, I always pray God to take years from my life and then add  it to hers she means the world to me if not more, but the rest of the family are just crap in the hood, they are dusty, rusty, black, foggy, negative, cold I can say everything that doesn't make you feel good, that's what they are! they always get on my nerves! ALWAYS, and sometimes I do drive myself to forget and get used to this, but its all keep on showing up, They never ...
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Your place is under construction

This is it, the way it goes is so simple, from the very beginning, as a child, you grow with the idea, that eveything  you relate to, everyone youre friends with, every play ground you play at, belongs to you,  the laughter the moments, the ideas, the dreams, they grow within yourself, thinking it all belongs to only you, you plant it, take care of it, water it every now and then, that play ground you used to share moments of innocence at, having your friends, your own people playing around you, even if the seasons change, you think it will always be the same, and this little dirt on your shirt from the playground will always stain there on your hands, on your clothes, the faces you're used to see sometimes around, will always light up your way, summer euphoric nights, the paradise of blue sky, though the little changes occur, you never realize it might hit you once in all, you grow up after couple of years to a sign on your play ground saying, " This...
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